A Hard Day’s Night

At the end of each day I still end up feeling like I didn’t get enough done. I am practicing my zen though and trying to focus on the moment. There is no real value in worrying about tomorrow, or fretting over the spilt milk of yesterday. I am here and I can only do one thing at a time. Still with all the hustle and bustle I think I will be able to see my way thru this busy time. The dull ache in the back of my neck is telling me to go to bed, but I know that I need a bit more wind down time, so that I can actually fall asleep. The trick is not to think about anything perplexing in that time…or I’ll never be able to drift off.

Mad Season

Now I know what Matchbox 20 was talking about. This certainly is my mad season. It seems that there is no stopping this speeding train that is my life and things just keep dropping out of the sky. I have to hold onto everything, so I am holding things with my hands and my legs and my chin. Then I find that I don’t have enough physical strength to do it on my own so I hold on with my mind, which is spinning 24/7. So I am hard pressed to get a good night’s sleep. I am dreaming about all of the things I have to worry about. Pushing through another week. The only thing I can say to make myself feel better is that life changes. It never stays the same…so this will change too. Come on change 🙂

Sleepless Nights

I have so very much going on inside my brain right now that I am finding it very hard to fall alseep at night. By the end of the day I am so exhausted but my brain just keeps going and I can’t find an end. I laid awake until 1:00am last night, which is not good when you have to leave the house at 6:30am. But somewhere, somewhere in all of this mess of things to do and things to learn and things to remember and things to forget I am sure that I will find my rhythm…or die trying. 🙂

Holidays are quickly approaching and that is a whole new set of lists. 🙂 But I am happy for the holidays and winter, come on rain…I love it.

Stress

I am very busy and more than that I am stressed. I keep looking at all I have to do and I am starting to try to think about it differently. When I look at my home work I see everything up to and including my thesis…oh my gosh. When I look at the laundry I see every load I will ever have to wash here until we get a house and our own washer and dryer. When I look at the bills I see how many more times I will have to do this until they are all paid. When I look at my lesson plans I see the next 10 weeks of lessons.

I feel like I can never get ahead and maybe this way of thinking is why. And it’s so funny because I am constantly telling other people how to break things down into small managable chunks, and to take things one day at a time.

So I am trying something different today….

Day off

Well, I am off from work until next Wednesday. I know that’s a whole week, but for some reason it seems like no time at all. Probably because I have school work and all of my prep for a new term facing me.

I feel so blah today, I am so glad my night class was cancelled. Keep thinking maybe I should take some time to rest in here, but there is so much to do that I just find myself dwelling on that instead of relaxing. I am so bad at that. I dwell on things too much. I am a worrier and a dweller.

It’s warm outside and that is pissing me off. I just want it to be winter already. I think cuddling up and trying to keep warm will make me feel better somehow. I find the heat irritating. I couldn’t care less about the beautiful sunshine. Guess I’m crabby 🙂

Gloom

It’s nice and gloomy outside. I am loving this weather.

I’m tired and busy and nothing has changed. Maybe I do need to start managing my time better. I just tend to feel like there is so much to do that planning wouldn’t make any difference. There are still things sitting at the bottom of my list even when I push myself to the ultimate limit.

There has got to be a better way.