I’m not a person of frivilous, wasteful living. I consider myself to be very responsible about all of the choices I make, even down to eating in when I have an amazing craving for a In-n-Out burger. I deprive myself of smaller pleasures for many reasons: to save money, to force myself to eat healthier, to prove to myself I do not have to succumb to every whim, to flex the muscle of will power. I’ve come to realize something though. After a season of deprivation, the craving goes away. That could be a good thing, but more often than not I am left with an empty spot. The desire for something creates a compartment in my soul, when the want is satisfied, it gets filled. But if I go on pretending it doesn’t exist, the desire shrinks into nothing and the space remains. This is not a lesson in reckless abandon. I still think there is great need for self restraint, especially in the world we live in. But I have decided that I do not want to become a large warehouse of emptiness, that once was the home of so many hopes. Hope is the only thing that lives when everything else has whithered and died. I will still be responsible, but I will not let the desires of my heart die.

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